Step 2 of the Proactive 12 Steps
To restore balance, I need to focus on what gives my life meaning and purpose.
Step 2, above, is part of the Beta version of the 4th edition of the Proactive 12 Steps. A video commentary on each step has been released over the past few months. Now is the time to share with us your feedback on the commentary:
- What do you find helpful?
- What would you want more of?
- What would you add or change?
Your comments on each specific step and on the approach as a whole are welcome. Please share your comments.
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So you're stuck. It's good to remember that habits, the things we get stuck in, are multidimensional. Think of it as a web of roots under a very big, very old tree. Think of it as an ecosystem. So, the reason willpower doesn't work is because you're fixated on one thing: Imagine that you're trying to push that big, big oak tree... trying to push it, to try and uproot it. It's not going to work, because there's so many roots that are anchoring it into the ground.
So a good metaphor is what happens when you have a tangled cord. You pull... You pull... And, actually. the more you pull, the more it gets tangled. And so what you have to do is very carefully, painstakingly make space, in order to disentangle it.
Now, if you just keep opening this way, you might not get anywhere. You kind of have to have a sense of direction, a sense of what it is that you're trying to achieve. So, for the cord, for instance, you know that the result of disentangling it is to have that straight line. But in terms of changing the web of habits... the web of roots that keep us rooted into habits we're trying to get out of... it helps to have a sense of direction... a sense of where you want to be... and a sense of what's truly important... a sense of what gives your life meaning and purpose.
And so, here, we revisit the tool that we talked about in Step 1. it's not just an abstract sense of meaning and purpose, but it's a very concrete sense of what feels right, what sustains you. So this [visual of body posture] is "stuck". For instance, it could be this for you [visual of body posture] or it could be this [visual of body posture] or... It doesn't feel good. And you want to find the place that you feels like: "Yeah, that's me, that's who I am. That's who I want to be."
So we're going to keep coming back to that... to that sense of "stuck" versus finding that sense of meaning and purpose. The sense of what sustains you.