Step 6 of the Proactive 12 Steps
I see how these patterns have been ways of coping with what feels overwhelming.
Step 6, above, is part of the Beta version of the 4th edition of the Proactive 12 Steps. A video commentary on each step has been released over the past few months. Now is the time to share with us your feedback on the commentary:
- What do you find helpful?
- What would you want more of?
- What would you add or change?
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So now you are starting to have a much richer database of experience. You've been paying attention to what happens to you, moment by moment, during your everyday life. You've been looking at what happened in the past. You've been making sense of it by thinking about it. So chances are you're starting to come up with some hypothesis as to what it is that tends to make you stuck.
Chances are this is going to be a variation on the experience of pressure, or the experience of fear, in some way or another. Not necessarily in a way that you would describe it as pressure or fear. But when you come down to it, when you really distill it to its core, you probably will find that it has a lot to do with collapsing under pressure or under fear.
As you understand that about yourself, then you realize that the stuckness, or the behaviors that derive from this stuckness, the parts of yourself you don't really like and you want to change... you start to see them in a different light. You don't see them as "Oh, this is who I am. This is what this person is. This is it." But you see it as "Oh, this is me under pressure" or "This is me under the influence of fear. This is me dealing with something that is overwhelming." Very different from "This is me, like the essence of who I am."
So, as you start to realize that these qualities of being stuck, these behaviors that you dislike, these attitudes that you dislike, are really a reflection of the difficulty of handling pressures and fears. Okay? As you realize that, then you are no longer identifying with "Hmm, this is me." You have a larger sense of yourself. That's exactly what the phrase "This is me under pressure" means. It's "Yeah, this is me under pressure, but there's also me without the pressure." Okay?
So, you're no longer identifying with just this (you under pressure), but you're identifying with a larger sense of self, and the sense that there is fluidity. So you're going to shift from something that's too difficult to handle... Find a way to find the other part of you, to be more of all of who you are. To include that, incorporate that into your everyday life. Grow into the fullness of who you are, instead of being identified with just the small part of you that is related to fear and pressure and overwhelm.